(By Greg Gower) Well it’s been another hot summer, here in Spokane, and once again our neighborhoods are being invaded by hordes of half-naked, sweaty, lawn care specialists and pool boys. Every year this happens and every year I’m shocked at their brazen display of flesh! Right out in the open, and in front of our children no less! It’s a good thing Spokane City Councilman Mike Fagan is on guard.
“Anal Cleft,” says Mike Fagan
The glistening torso of a bronzed young man is tantalizing disgusting enough, but, in the past few years, these youths have been wearing their shorts lower and lower, resulting in the exposure of anal cleft. I didn’t know the technical term before, but now we can thank Fagan, for naming anal cleft as the problem it really is. Mike Fagan is a dedicated, conservative leader, who knows this is one of those rare occasions when government should step in and regulate our lives.
XXXtreme Espresso and Big Shots
Mike Fagan is starting with his proposed Spokane City Ordinance to cover up the scantily clad, Bikini Baristas at XXXtreme Espresso and Big Shots, because, well, you’ve got to start somewhere. And besides, everyone knows female cleavage is way nastier than male cleavage, especially the anal kind. Then, once he’s got them all covered up, I’m sure he’ll go after other offenders, like the lawn guys or pool boys in Spokane. Eventually, if we’re lucky, Mike Fagan will finally put an end to the perverted plumbing practitioners and their skanky ways.
Pipe fitters have been baring their backsides ever since indoor plumbing was first invented. Whenever some poor housewife has had to call a professional to fix a leak, these free-spirited, male floozies have taken the opportunity to expose themselves. Well no more! I say it’s high time to pass a Spokane city-wide ordnance, making it a crime to show anal cleft of any kind! We could call it The Anal Cleft Coverage Act, or, ACCA. I’m sure not ALL plumbers are perverts. The law of averages suggests that, at least a few, must be pure of mind and spirit. These up standing plumbers would surely welcome higher standards for their profession.
Spokane used to be a decent place, where anything more than a bare ankle was cause for a good slut shaming. Sure God made the human body, but he also made clothes for those bodies. To not use them would be an affront to God and, thankfully, Mike Fagan.
Do you think plumbers buy their lattes at XXXtreme Espresso?
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